Organized Chaos & Occasional Moments of Grace: A theoretical question

Monday, March 17, 2014

A theoretical question

So, as a parent are we expected to be completely human and fallible or completely perfect or somewhere in between. If in between what does that look like and how do we define it or does it matter?

When your child is part himself and part you and part your partner (if that is the case) how do you put your best self forward as to your contribution or alternatively not screw it up royally as to your part and still be yourself or your best self?

Moral of this story? Being an engaged, in the trenches, parent is not for the faint of heart or ego, but also not for the egotistical or lazy. It is also not just for the biological. Parenting with purpose requires you to be human & present, bringing your A game and prepared for some serious humility whether you like it or not.

You hear that clock ticking? That is not your biological clock. Nope. As an engaged and present parent, that is your mortality meter and personal gauge adjusting to the fact that you now answer to another generation that will judge you as you judged the parents before you.

The best birth control? The reality of the immensity and beauty of parenthood as well as the truth that the decision to not have children is legitimate and meaningful. How green the other pastures are when you are across the fence.

1 comment:

UnknownMarch 18, 2014 at 12:31 AM
Remember, just because we may judge the parenting skills of our parents, doesn't necessarily mean that our children will judge us the same. You are no more your mother than I am mine, or anyone else's for that matter. Yes, you will occasionally make parenting fails. Yes, you will feel awful about it. But if you survived being the product of parenting fails like many of us have, and turned into the loving, doting, attentive parent that you are, then there surely is hope. The important part is being humble enough to admit mistakes, ask LOTS of questions without the fear of feeling judged, be aware that you are not 100% sure that you know what you're doing, improvise when necessary, and know that a "perfect" parent has never and will never exist. It is DEFINITELY not for the faint of heart. You're doing a great job. I promise.
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Why I write

Honestly, because life is short and although I am no philospher or scholar, I have a secret hope that someone, somewhere in my family, circle of friends or beyond will find something I have thought, experienced or learned useful in their own lives. More importantly, I talk through my thoughts and I write like I talk - context is always important and so are those little details that most normal people would consider extraneous. I admit it, I am a bit verbose. I've been abusing the word limit on FB for over two years now and having proved with many failed attempts that I am completely inept at keeping a handwritten journal, I hope this blog is the answer.

At the end of the day, the purpose is completely self-serving, get these things out of my head and like a print photograph, a scrapbook or a yearbook, memoralize some of the relationships, thoughts, moments, experiences and events whether poignant, trivial or downright odd that make this life we are living so damn interesting.

Don't say you weren't warned

I don't pretend to know it all, but I do know a little about a lot of different topics. I am interested in what I am interested in and I tend to throw myself into whatever idea, issue or topic is the flavor of the day, week, month or year (again, my perogative). I do have some pretty strong opinions on a host of issues and topics, but I read, I listen and I encourage others to do the same. I want to hear what others have to say, but only if they are respectful of others' right to agree or disagree and they recognize the fact that each of us often has our own "baggage" we bring to any hot button issue and sometimes we just have to agree to disagree.

I don't take "we've already tried that," "that's not how we do it around here" or " "that has never worked" as an answer to any issue or problem. "We cannot do that" is not an acceptable response and I demand more. Tell me why something cannot be fixed or has to stay the same, and no, it cannot be just because "it won't work" or "it just can't." Show me the numbers, give me some facts. Don't just settle, expect and demand more. In my opinion, if you continue to accept mediocrity, that is all you'll ever get.