The Reality of Life

There is a saying that I hear at 5:00 a.m. when my alarm goes off for the gym or a run, "You will never regret going, but you will always regret not going."  Yeah, so? Well, first of all, I hope it helps to encourage you one day when you are thinking of getting out of your comfy bed to go do something that is good for you both in mind and in body, but secondly, I hope you recognize that it goes for so many other opportunities in our every day lives.

 

Yes, that is our child literally sleeping in his lunch at day care.  You want to know how that happened? Well, he got up at 5:00 a.m., which is my sacred time for the gym/a run and he would not go back to sleep so guess who got to go with Momma to work in an attempt to not wake up his Daddy/the hubs and have to listen to the bitching session of how I "woke up Whitman early" and left the man to take care of him?  At 5:45 a.m. I changed his diaper, put on his shoes, took the dogs out, fed the dogs and  off we went to the gym because that is what keeps Momma from physically harming people and makes her feel a wee bit like a normal person.  Whitman loved being a part of our class, but apparently does not do well with super early mornings hence the sleeping in his sweet potato fries and puffs.  Come on, you know that makes you laugh.

All that being said, lately I've noticed that it really much easier to assume the worst and that any effort is going to be wasted than to make an attempt at something and actually (gasp) not succeed as expected or event (gasp) fail. Of course, if you succeed then what will\ you do?  Where does the need to be right, accepted or at least acknowledged come from?  Childhood experiences? Expectations?  How do we raise kids that are not sitting around pondering these things and are instead, out in the world grabbing issues by the short hairs and in that sweet voice of theirs just demanding that they be heard and changes be made?

Good question. It is one that I think about every day. I look at this beautiful person and the fabulous people that surround him with light and love and I know that if nothing else, I've done something right, good and worth my time.  

 

There are a lot of important things going on every day and you know what?  My kid, as awesome as he and his Dad & our family may be, is not going to keep me from getting in that car every morning and driving to the gym or to the meeting place for a run with my girls.  Does that mean I will ever leave my child when in need? Ugh, hell no, but it does mean that we will work together to make it work when and if it can.

As a Momma, I am now an expanded version of who and what I used to be, but I do not and will not accept that that means I must be someone or something different than I was before he came into our lives.  The love I have for Whitman, not unlike the love I have for my rescued cat Abbey and my rescued dogs Alice, Bella, George, Mr. Teddy Pants and new addition Luke, is not a love of choice. It is an unconditional and consuming love that, without constant attention and boundaries I respect, might just take over the person I am today and smother the person that I was before I had a family.

So what?  I don/t know.  Just felt like it was important to say that it is ok to love both your family and yourself unconditionally and it is so fucking ok to have a job you DON'T WANT TO LEAVE at the end fo the day, if I honestly, hear one more woman (it is ONLY the women) say that she feels "guilty" for wanting to do something for herself or that she enjoys time to herself away from everyone else I may just have to start tweeting.  Don't make me do it, you know it will suck.

Remember ladies, at the end of it all, it is your life and you have the power to do with this time you have what you want.  Don't let anyone tell you any differently.  Do what your gut AND your heart tell you is right and trust me, at the end of it all, do not ignore your gut because there is a great chance that "regret' only visits when you are not listening and paying attention.

Onward and upward my friends!
Jen